My Life As A Neurodivergent Writer

Hi everyone and welcome to my blog! I wanted to kind of switch things up today and talk about what it’s like being a neurodivergent writer while also balancing my home life in case it may help anyone else. I know there’s a lot of creative neurodivergent people out there trying to figure out how to balance their creativity with their work and who may also be a little shy about putting their work out there for the world to see. I went through those same struggles at the start and I still go through those same struggles each time I create something new that I intend to be published. Maybe hearing how someone else gets through the process each time will be helpful to someone. I hope!

 

I live a pretty normal life. I have a husband who is a devilishly handsome professional cartographer. He is under contract with NASA right now, which is pretty cool. I have a son who is six years old in kindergarten. He is non-speaking, autistic, a total sensory-seeker, and the brightest light of my life. And I’m a stay-at-home mother who writes novels and tabletop role-playing games, and I happen to have ADHD.

Like my son, I have some pretty intense sensory needs. However, unlike my son, I am NOT a sensory seeker, so our sensory needs tend to clash. It’s something that I, as the mother, just have to deal with because it’s definitely no one’s fault that my son and I’s moods are so sensory-dependent.

 

Getting through our sensory needs and providing him with all the cuddles and tight squeezes he needs is just a part of my day now. It’s thanks to him that I even realized why I had so much anxiety all of these years: I wasn’t taking care of my own sensory needs. I know how to do that now and it’s made my focus and attention way better. Not perfect, and my attention is still pretty bad, but I’m able to live with it now.

 

I always like to say my son saved me, because it’s true. I was a typical edgy, nerdy, depressed teenager who had way too much of what I thought was logic to find purpose in my existence. I wasn’t taking very good care of myself as a young adult, either. I did write a ton of first drafts of novels as a young adult, some of them very good, some of them very bad, but for the most part my younger years were a blur of depression and defeatism.

 

In my mid-twenties I had my son, and my whole view on my purpose in life changed. Now, that’s not a PSA to go have babies to improve your life, because kids are TRICKY! They are difficult, tireless, and loud. But they can also be fun, observant, and interesting…eventually. It takes a few years for them to get from helpless and needy to adventurous and independent. 

 

I’m kind of blabbering on, but basically the point is that when I learned my son was autistic, I learned things about me as well. I learned about sensory needs, about offering reassurance rather than barking orders at kids, and I learned that I was built for parenting my own son, that I had it in me to be his best mom possible, even when it gets hard.

 

Being a good mom is a point of pride for me, because I never thought I had it in me. I was too unfocused, too motivated to become the next Anne Rice or Stephen King. But becoming my son’s mom made me a fun person, a loving person, and a positive person. And I thank him every day for that because it really saved my life for my perspective to change so much.

 

All right, enough of the sweet sappy yapping. My next point is that this perspective change affected everything, including how I view writing. Before, I was making hit-or-miss first drafts because I was only writing for myself. Now when I write, I try to think about how my writing will affect others. Will this make someone happy? Inspire them? Will this story evoke an emotional response?

 

That has improved my writing ten-fold, and has led me down the path to writing TTRPGs (tabletop role-playing games). I want people to find enjoyment from my writing and bring peace and happiness and maybe even something interesting into their lives if only for a little while.

 

I go through a list of hobbies throughout the year. Being ADHD, I tend to hyperfixate on particular hobbies and passions for a while before moving onto the next one. This is how I learned how to make jewelry, sew handmade dolls, and create resin products. But the one part of my life that has always stuck with me is writing in some form. I’ve always known, since I could read, that I wanted to write.

 

Here’s where that gets tricky: Writing requires a LOT of focus and concentration and patience. As someone who has ADHD, I tend to lack in those areas. Like I mentioned earlier, I tend to hyperfixate on one or two things at a time, and while that usually involves writing and writing becomes fun and easy and second-nature to me, there are times when my brain is just not having it and it becomes a struggle.

 

So how do I get past the struggle?

 

Most days, and this is exactly how it sounds: I fight my brain. That sounds a little dramatic, but after forcing myself past the wall of executive dysfunction I try to write at least a thousand words a day. After that one-thousand words, if I still feel like giving up and doing something else to occupy my time and imagination, I do, but usually just the act of writing with purpose gets me going.

 

Another method I’ve used that’s been recommended to me is to set a timer for 5 or 10 minutes and just do what you need to do during that time, and by the time the timer goes off your brain is already in that mode of work that you’ll usually just keep going.

 

Some days, though, are just harder than others with executive dysfunction. I take those days as my break days (being a stay-at-home mom I work on my writing 7 days a week while my son is at school or asleep) and just play a video game during the time I would be writing. I try not to let myself feel guilty about it, because if I do let myself feel guilty, this resting period won’t work.

 

Another thing that helps me write is to keep a cup of coffee or bottle of water and snacks on my desk next to my laptop as I work.

 

I tend to work most of the morning while my son’s at school, and by the time my son’s home from school my mind is wiped out. Spending time with my son recharges me a bit, and sleeping later that night recharges me a lot, and I start work at around the same time every single morning, about 6 am. Staying consistent with my routine really helps my brain to function because my brain will know what comes next and it’ll be ready for it. For example, I’ve done this routine of getting ready for the day so many times that when it comes time to write I’m just ready, not overthinking it, I just get it done. If I hesitate and don’t follow my routine, I tend to overthink what I’m about to write and that just triggers executive dysfunction.

 

A piece of writing advice: It’s better to try to just edit what exists than to try to write it perfectly the first time around. No first draft is going to be perfect without you stressing yourself out to the moon and back.

Writing with ADHD is definitely possible. Don’t let days of inactivity discourage you. Try to experience those days as guilt-free as you possibly can because rest will just recharge you, while stress will drain you. Note that I am NOT a doctor, I am just speaking as someone who has lived with and experienced ADHD.

 

Overcoming jitters when publishing your work is not easy. I’ve published over twenty games and I still feel nervous each and every time it comes to publishing them. Sending out something you’ve created into the world is always scary. The fear of judgement is both real and legitimate. But let me tell you something as someone who’s gotten both good and bad reviews for games that I’ve been so passionate about making: It’s absolutely worth it!

 

Sure, you’ll get some people who don’t understand your work, who may even bash your work. But it’s the people who connect with your project that will make it all worthwhile. And you can be sure at least one other person in this big, wide world will have the same interests as you when it comes to gaming and reading and writing, and THAT is the person you’re making your project for. Because that person who has the same interests as you will find that same happiness in your game or writing or project that you do. You’ll have made someone happy with something you created, even if only for a little while. And that’s always worth it.

 

Writing anything is not a career for money. It’s a career for bringing something joyful or inspiring or interesting to other people. This world craves creativity and originality. People crave something they can connect to or find happiness in. If you’ve ever wanted to publish something you wrote, whether it’s a novel or a tabletop game, you should know it’s not an easy journey, but it’s a journey that’s worth something more than money.

 

I hope this has helped someone. If it has, then I’ve succeeded in what I set out to do today, and that’s always a good feeling. If you have any questions, comments, or suggestions for me, please feel free to leave a comment or message me at sarahrblount@gmail.com and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.